Letting the Seed Grow

My dad works at a farm and garden store that he took over from his older relatives, so I guess you could say that farming and gardening is in our family tree (I tried making a pun just for you Lou, but I'm not as nerdy as you, so it's not that good). As I grew up I watched my dad and brother take care of the garden behind my house. I watched him and my brother plow the garden, plant the seeds, water the seeds, and care for the plants. With each passing day, the seeds began to grow, and the roots began to dig deep into the soil. Once the roots were firm within the ground, the plant began to make its breakthrough of the surface. The continuous care of my padre and hermano helped the seeds produce beautiful tomatoes, cucumbers, cantaloupe, and different kinds of fruits or vegetables (whatever they are). I always laughed, and still do, every time my mom came in the house after picking a tomato and getting so excited about how good it looked. The hard work that my family put into the garden was rewarded with the beauty of the produce.

My job was to plant the seed in your hearts,
and Apollos watered it, 

but it was God, not we, who made it grow.

1 Corinthians 3:6

As Christians, our relationship with God is just like the seeds we plant in our gardens. We must first prepare ourselves to let God grow within us and to grow closer to Him. Next we need to plant the seed by letting God become the center of our lives and accepting Jesus Christ in our hearts to become our Lord and Savior. The next step is taking care of that seed, so that its roots may grow. We can do this by obeying God's commandments, studying His word, talking to Him, and seeking Him. As we take care of that seed of our faith (not letting anything destroy it), the roots will begin to grow.

Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the trust you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all he has done. 

Colossians 2:7

We need to let our roots grow deep within God. Just as a plant needs firm roots in the ground, as Christians we need to let our faith grow deep into God and His Son Jesus Christ. Having firm roots in God and his Son allows us to be protected from those temptations and sin that are trying to break our relationship and pull us from God. We need to stand firm in our relationship with God, and we need to seek Him in everything we do.

I am the vine; you are the branches. 

Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit.

For apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

When the roots are firm in the soil, the fruit will be produced. In our faith, after our roots are firm, our lives will begin to reflect one of Christ. We will begin to produce much fruit just as Christ tells us in His teachings. We will live the lives our God wants us to live, and begin to share that fruit with those around us, so that they may plant their own seeds of faith in God. We will begin to draw closer and closer to God; having a strong relationship with Him. Our roots will be firm in God, and nothing will be able to separate us. Nothing can destroy the beautiful fruit that we produce since our roots are strong in Him.

Loving Family

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God!

Philippians 1:3

One of the biggest blessings God has given me is my loving family! I have always taken my family for granted, and I have never really shown them how much I appreciate them and love them. In the past I never really told anyone in my family anything happening in my life except for my sister. The only reason my sister knows anything is because we are twins, and we have always been together everywhere we go. I kept my personal life away from my family, and was honestly scared to talk to them about what was going on. I knew they loved me and cared for me, but the love and care they had I pushed away and did not accept it.

When my depression first began, I never told my family (I didn't tell anyone). I kept that to myself, and I kept everything bottled in. I didn't share my thoughts, opinions, or emotions with my family. I experienced the depression for almost three years before I had the courage to tell my parents what was going on. During my senior year, I went through a severe depression stage (not nearly as bad as recently). I remember crying one day on my way to work, and I texted my mom and told her I needed to talk to her. That night I sat on the couch with my mom and dad and told them some of what was going on. I never mentioned the depression, but I did mention my loss of appetite, lack of sleep, and emotional craziness. The word depression was never released from my mouth, so my parents had no idea what was going on. My stage of severe depression had diminished shortly after that night up until this semester.

My relationship with my brother has not been the healthiest (sorry brother, but keep reading). He is exactly 18 months older than me, and when he left for NC State we hardly ever spoke. We often fought and argued about pointless things. We were never really that close. My relationship with my sister was quite unique; I mean we are the most awesome set of twins ever! We were always close and always talked. We shared the same friends, and some of the same classes. I went to most of her sporting events - she's a beast! - and she came to all of mine that she could. During my severe depression though, my relationship with her went from being close to fighting. With depression you have a whole new personality, and soon I became the Evil twin. I remember being so mean to her for no reason, and remember all the horrible things that happened between us (sorry twin for that). My relationship with my siblings has been quite the experience, and up until this semester I never really appreciated them as much as I should; I just took them for granted.

This semester though, God worked through my depression to bring my family closer together. At first I was scared to tell my parents that I needed help, and that what I was experiencing was VERY serious. After my first counselling session at the school, I finally got the courage to tell my parents I needed to go to the doctor and receive some kind of medical attention. The next week was spring break, so luckily I was able to talk more with my parents about what was going on and actually fill them in on the life that I had been hiding from them. I realized then, somewhat of how much they loved me and cared for me, and their love started to register in my head. I never told my brother or sister about it, but they soon found out. I never knew how much they cared for me until then. We had never been that close, so I didn't think they would be too concerned, but I was definitely wrong.

Since my recent breakdowns have happened, God has brought my family so much closer. I have started to appreciate them more, and I praise God for putting them in my life. I now call my parents more and fill them in on my life. I love them more and more each minute that passes. The relationship between my siblings has completely changed. I am closer to my brother more now than I have ever been before. God has redeemed our relationship, and I am thankful for my brother. I can always count on him to make me laugh and cheer me up. I enjoyed beating him up now too; not really, he could eat me! My sister is my hero! She knows where she stands in her faith, and she has encouraged me and supported me in everything (just as the rest of my family). Since we are twins, we have a special bond. That bond is stronger than ever now, and I praise God for putting her into my life. My family has provided me with such great support my whole life, but in the midst of all this pain, God brought us closer than ever. I miss my family so much, and I cannot wait to see them this summer (except for my brother who has an awesome new job and I am excited to see God work through him with it).

I am so blessed to have the family that I have. Words cannot express the love I have for them, and I only wish I could show them how much they mean to me. God has worked through my depression to bring my family closer together and closer to Him. I praise my God every time I think of them- which is a lot!

To my family:

I love y'all so much, and I appreciate all y'all have done in my life.Y'all mean the world to me, and I cannot wait to see y'all again. Thank you for all the support and love you have given me over the years. I am so blessed to have each one of you in my life, and I am so glad I can call y'all family! God is doing great things for our family, and I am praying for each one of y'all everyday! I don't know what I would do without y'all.

I LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH!

Back to everyone else:
My twin has a blog, and its pretty legit! God is working in her life so much, so I think y'all should check it out! http://loumbankhead.blogspot.com/

God Provides

The more I seek you,

The more I find you.

The more I find you,
The more I love you.

The More I Seek You

Kari Jobe

As I grow in my faith, I experience God more and more. My relationship with God has grown tremendously over the past couple of weeks. I have stayed in constant prayer, and I have been praying till he answers my request according to His plan. Lately, I have mainly been praying for joy, patience, and strength. As I was reading my bible today I came across a verse in Colossians.

We also pray that you will be strengthened with his glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father, who has enabled you to share the inheritance that belongs to God's holy people, who live in the light.

Colossians 1:11-12

God led me straight to this verse, to ensure me that he is going to answer my prayer. As I read this verse, God spoke to me and said, "Jess, keep waiting patiently, for I will provide you with the strength you need to push forward. I will fill you with joy." As I sat in amazement of what God was teaching me, I began to reflect on the idea of Him watching over me and holding me in his arms. How awesome is it that we have a God that loves us so much and who constantly blesses us? God is the patience, the strength, and the joy I need. God is working through the hard times, and bringing peace. God is going to provide if we remain faithful to Him.

Now that I am furthering my walk with Him and seeking Him more and more, I have found His presence all around me. Everywhere I look I see how God is working, and see His face. Sometimes it is hard to understand what He has planned, but those are the times I have found that I need to cling to Him and not let go.

God causes all things to work together 

for the good of those who love Him.

Romans 8:28

Always With Me

It's scary when you are sitting and laughing then all of a sudden your tears of laughter randomly turn into tears of pain for no reason. All my break downs decide to happen in the library. Maybe God is telling me not to go to the library anymore? I sure hope so! In the midst of my break downs though, God reminds me that He is with me. He is holding me in His arms as I randomly cry. As I lay my head against His chest, he wipes away my every tear. He provides me with the comfort and the peace I need. He shows His strengths when I am weak.

"My gracious favor is all you need. 
My power works best in your weakness."

So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work through me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

It might sound weird (and as much as I don't want to live like this) I praise God for some of the stuff I am going through. When I am weak, he does use his strength to lift me up. He shows me how powerful he really is during my time of doubt and weakness. Yesterday was Easter, and honestly it couldn't have came at a better time. Sitting in my bed last night crying, God smacked me in the face and said, "Look Jess, I love you enough to send my son to die on the cross for your sins. His blood has washed away your sins and pain." Laying in my bed last night I realized that even though I am hurting and going through a lot, He is always going to be there for me no matter what. He isn't going to just let me sit here on Earth suffering; He loves me enough to send His son to die for me. If that isn't love then I don't know what is. Greater love has none than this, that he lay down His life for his friends! John 15:13 Jesus is alive, and I know that because of his resurrection I am forgiven of my sins, and that He now lives inside of me. When I am crying my tears of pain, he fills me up with joy and love. I have witnessed that God does use his strengths in my weakness.

"Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes in the morning."

Psalms 30:5

You stay the same through the ages

Your love never changes

There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

and when the oceans rage

I don't have to be afraid

because I know that you love me

Your love never fails

Your Love Never Fails

Jesus Culture

At BCM one night, I asked everyone to pray for my depression and some of the things I was having to deal with. Later that night, my friend Kelly told me to read Psalms 30. Verses 5 stuck out to me because most of my breakdowns happen at night, but sometime the next morning God filled me with joy and his love. God took away my pain and gave me rest and peace. Each day after my breakdowns, my faith grows so much, and I grow closer to God. After my breakdown last night, I layed in my hammock most the early afternoon (luckily before the storm came) and just handed EVERYTHING to Him. God was just like, "Look I got you! Hand it all over to me and follow me." And of course God is going to do whatever he can to get your attention, the next song on my Ipod was one my friend Kristen told me to listen to. I realized that everything is His, for nothing is mine really to hold. He gave me life, so why should I refuse to follow his plan? At that moment I let everthing go.

 If everything is Yours

Everything is Yours

If everything is Yours

I'm letting it go

No, it was never mine to hold

No, never mine to hold

Everything is Yours

Audrey Assad

In my pain, God brings me joy. Even when I feel alone, I never really am. When I don't love myself, He still loves me. God is doing great things in my life, and I'm starting to trust in Him more and more. I've given Him everything, so I have nothing left to hold onto. I praise God for what He is doing in my life, and even through all this pain, God is working through it for his glory! I have faith in Him. 

I'M NOT GIVING UP!

New Life

Those who become Christians become new persons. They are NOT the same anymore, for the old life is gone. 
A new life has begun!

2 Corinthians 5:17

For the past 19 years I have always considered myself a Christian. Slept and ate through Sunday School. Drew through big church. Lip sang in children/youth choir. Went to hang out with friends on mission trips and other camps. Attended every covered dish meal (raised Baptist). Carried my bible around. So on and So on. I definitely thought I was going to Heaven!

All my life, I thought I knew what it meant to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, but this semester I truly discovered what it really meant. I have been battling the disease of depression. Yes, I said disease. I have no control of my thoughts, my actions, my words, and my emotions. I never know when my next horrible breakdown will strike. I hit ROCK BOTTOM; all ALONE. I dug myself into a dark, dark hole; locked down with the chains of depression. I was so far down. The only way out was to go up. I could barely see any light at the top. How could I go up with no one to pull me back up? How could I manage to drag myself out of this darkness when I had no energy? How could I see where I was going? What was going to break these chains so I could start my escape? I had no idea what the solution to these questions were, but this semester I realized the answer to these questions is quite simple. God.

During this time of my life, I realized the only way I could escape was with God's help. He is the only one who can grab my hand and pull me up. He is the strength I need to escape this hole. He is the light that will guide me out. And He could break the chains of my depression. I was telling some friends about my deep depression (most of them witnessing my pain and struggling already), and they encouraged me to get help and ensured me that God was with me in all of this. Hearing that God was with me, I found an urge to read my bible (which I have never done before). I began to pray constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I turned from my wicked ways, and headed down the path the Lord had created me. I completely changed my life around, and realized that the only way I could beat this disease was with the help of my Father. My faith has grow greatly through all this, and I have such a desire to grow closer to him. "I am becoming less and less. He is becoming greater and greater." (John 3:30). I am living for Him. I am sharing His love. I am praising Him for everything. He is Present in my Every Move.

I am currently put on medicine to help with the biological factors of this disease. The medicine has been somewhat of a help. I graduated from therapy last week, and my survey results showed significant progress, but my breakdowns say otherwise. I have faith that God will provide me with the right medicine, care, and love that I need to pull me out of this depression. God has a plan for me. The chains of depression that were once holding me down in the hole, have now been broken by the love and mercy of my Savior.