Always With Me

It's scary when you are sitting and laughing then all of a sudden your tears of laughter randomly turn into tears of pain for no reason. All my break downs decide to happen in the library. Maybe God is telling me not to go to the library anymore? I sure hope so! In the midst of my break downs though, God reminds me that He is with me. He is holding me in His arms as I randomly cry. As I lay my head against His chest, he wipes away my every tear. He provides me with the comfort and the peace I need. He shows His strengths when I am weak.

"My gracious favor is all you need. 
My power works best in your weakness."

So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work through me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

It might sound weird (and as much as I don't want to live like this) I praise God for some of the stuff I am going through. When I am weak, he does use his strength to lift me up. He shows me how powerful he really is during my time of doubt and weakness. Yesterday was Easter, and honestly it couldn't have came at a better time. Sitting in my bed last night crying, God smacked me in the face and said, "Look Jess, I love you enough to send my son to die on the cross for your sins. His blood has washed away your sins and pain." Laying in my bed last night I realized that even though I am hurting and going through a lot, He is always going to be there for me no matter what. He isn't going to just let me sit here on Earth suffering; He loves me enough to send His son to die for me. If that isn't love then I don't know what is. Greater love has none than this, that he lay down His life for his friends! John 15:13 Jesus is alive, and I know that because of his resurrection I am forgiven of my sins, and that He now lives inside of me. When I am crying my tears of pain, he fills me up with joy and love. I have witnessed that God does use his strengths in my weakness.

"Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes in the morning."

Psalms 30:5

You stay the same through the ages

Your love never changes

There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

and when the oceans rage

I don't have to be afraid

because I know that you love me

Your love never fails

Your Love Never Fails

Jesus Culture

At BCM one night, I asked everyone to pray for my depression and some of the things I was having to deal with. Later that night, my friend Kelly told me to read Psalms 30. Verses 5 stuck out to me because most of my breakdowns happen at night, but sometime the next morning God filled me with joy and his love. God took away my pain and gave me rest and peace. Each day after my breakdowns, my faith grows so much, and I grow closer to God. After my breakdown last night, I layed in my hammock most the early afternoon (luckily before the storm came) and just handed EVERYTHING to Him. God was just like, "Look I got you! Hand it all over to me and follow me." And of course God is going to do whatever he can to get your attention, the next song on my Ipod was one my friend Kristen told me to listen to. I realized that everything is His, for nothing is mine really to hold. He gave me life, so why should I refuse to follow his plan? At that moment I let everthing go.

 If everything is Yours

Everything is Yours

If everything is Yours

I'm letting it go

No, it was never mine to hold

No, never mine to hold

Everything is Yours

Audrey Assad

In my pain, God brings me joy. Even when I feel alone, I never really am. When I don't love myself, He still loves me. God is doing great things in my life, and I'm starting to trust in Him more and more. I've given Him everything, so I have nothing left to hold onto. I praise God for what He is doing in my life, and even through all this pain, God is working through it for his glory! I have faith in Him. 

I'M NOT GIVING UP!