God Provides

The more I seek you,

The more I find you.

The more I find you,
The more I love you.

The More I Seek You

Kari Jobe

As I grow in my faith, I experience God more and more. My relationship with God has grown tremendously over the past couple of weeks. I have stayed in constant prayer, and I have been praying till he answers my request according to His plan. Lately, I have mainly been praying for joy, patience, and strength. As I was reading my bible today I came across a verse in Colossians.

We also pray that you will be strengthened with his glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father, who has enabled you to share the inheritance that belongs to God's holy people, who live in the light.

Colossians 1:11-12

God led me straight to this verse, to ensure me that he is going to answer my prayer. As I read this verse, God spoke to me and said, "Jess, keep waiting patiently, for I will provide you with the strength you need to push forward. I will fill you with joy." As I sat in amazement of what God was teaching me, I began to reflect on the idea of Him watching over me and holding me in his arms. How awesome is it that we have a God that loves us so much and who constantly blesses us? God is the patience, the strength, and the joy I need. God is working through the hard times, and bringing peace. God is going to provide if we remain faithful to Him.

Now that I am furthering my walk with Him and seeking Him more and more, I have found His presence all around me. Everywhere I look I see how God is working, and see His face. Sometimes it is hard to understand what He has planned, but those are the times I have found that I need to cling to Him and not let go.

God causes all things to work together 

for the good of those who love Him.

Romans 8:28

Always With Me

It's scary when you are sitting and laughing then all of a sudden your tears of laughter randomly turn into tears of pain for no reason. All my break downs decide to happen in the library. Maybe God is telling me not to go to the library anymore? I sure hope so! In the midst of my break downs though, God reminds me that He is with me. He is holding me in His arms as I randomly cry. As I lay my head against His chest, he wipes away my every tear. He provides me with the comfort and the peace I need. He shows His strengths when I am weak.

"My gracious favor is all you need. 
My power works best in your weakness."

So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work through me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

It might sound weird (and as much as I don't want to live like this) I praise God for some of the stuff I am going through. When I am weak, he does use his strength to lift me up. He shows me how powerful he really is during my time of doubt and weakness. Yesterday was Easter, and honestly it couldn't have came at a better time. Sitting in my bed last night crying, God smacked me in the face and said, "Look Jess, I love you enough to send my son to die on the cross for your sins. His blood has washed away your sins and pain." Laying in my bed last night I realized that even though I am hurting and going through a lot, He is always going to be there for me no matter what. He isn't going to just let me sit here on Earth suffering; He loves me enough to send His son to die for me. If that isn't love then I don't know what is. Greater love has none than this, that he lay down His life for his friends! John 15:13 Jesus is alive, and I know that because of his resurrection I am forgiven of my sins, and that He now lives inside of me. When I am crying my tears of pain, he fills me up with joy and love. I have witnessed that God does use his strengths in my weakness.

"Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes in the morning."

Psalms 30:5

You stay the same through the ages

Your love never changes

There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

and when the oceans rage

I don't have to be afraid

because I know that you love me

Your love never fails

Your Love Never Fails

Jesus Culture

At BCM one night, I asked everyone to pray for my depression and some of the things I was having to deal with. Later that night, my friend Kelly told me to read Psalms 30. Verses 5 stuck out to me because most of my breakdowns happen at night, but sometime the next morning God filled me with joy and his love. God took away my pain and gave me rest and peace. Each day after my breakdowns, my faith grows so much, and I grow closer to God. After my breakdown last night, I layed in my hammock most the early afternoon (luckily before the storm came) and just handed EVERYTHING to Him. God was just like, "Look I got you! Hand it all over to me and follow me." And of course God is going to do whatever he can to get your attention, the next song on my Ipod was one my friend Kristen told me to listen to. I realized that everything is His, for nothing is mine really to hold. He gave me life, so why should I refuse to follow his plan? At that moment I let everthing go.

 If everything is Yours

Everything is Yours

If everything is Yours

I'm letting it go

No, it was never mine to hold

No, never mine to hold

Everything is Yours

Audrey Assad

In my pain, God brings me joy. Even when I feel alone, I never really am. When I don't love myself, He still loves me. God is doing great things in my life, and I'm starting to trust in Him more and more. I've given Him everything, so I have nothing left to hold onto. I praise God for what He is doing in my life, and even through all this pain, God is working through it for his glory! I have faith in Him. 

I'M NOT GIVING UP!

New Life

Those who become Christians become new persons. They are NOT the same anymore, for the old life is gone. 
A new life has begun!

2 Corinthians 5:17

For the past 19 years I have always considered myself a Christian. Slept and ate through Sunday School. Drew through big church. Lip sang in children/youth choir. Went to hang out with friends on mission trips and other camps. Attended every covered dish meal (raised Baptist). Carried my bible around. So on and So on. I definitely thought I was going to Heaven!

All my life, I thought I knew what it meant to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, but this semester I truly discovered what it really meant. I have been battling the disease of depression. Yes, I said disease. I have no control of my thoughts, my actions, my words, and my emotions. I never know when my next horrible breakdown will strike. I hit ROCK BOTTOM; all ALONE. I dug myself into a dark, dark hole; locked down with the chains of depression. I was so far down. The only way out was to go up. I could barely see any light at the top. How could I go up with no one to pull me back up? How could I manage to drag myself out of this darkness when I had no energy? How could I see where I was going? What was going to break these chains so I could start my escape? I had no idea what the solution to these questions were, but this semester I realized the answer to these questions is quite simple. God.

During this time of my life, I realized the only way I could escape was with God's help. He is the only one who can grab my hand and pull me up. He is the strength I need to escape this hole. He is the light that will guide me out. And He could break the chains of my depression. I was telling some friends about my deep depression (most of them witnessing my pain and struggling already), and they encouraged me to get help and ensured me that God was with me in all of this. Hearing that God was with me, I found an urge to read my bible (which I have never done before). I began to pray constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I turned from my wicked ways, and headed down the path the Lord had created me. I completely changed my life around, and realized that the only way I could beat this disease was with the help of my Father. My faith has grow greatly through all this, and I have such a desire to grow closer to him. "I am becoming less and less. He is becoming greater and greater." (John 3:30). I am living for Him. I am sharing His love. I am praising Him for everything. He is Present in my Every Move.

I am currently put on medicine to help with the biological factors of this disease. The medicine has been somewhat of a help. I graduated from therapy last week, and my survey results showed significant progress, but my breakdowns say otherwise. I have faith that God will provide me with the right medicine, care, and love that I need to pull me out of this depression. God has a plan for me. The chains of depression that were once holding me down in the hole, have now been broken by the love and mercy of my Savior.