He Reads My Mind

Your silent prayers uttered on tear-stained pillows were heard before they were said. Your deepest questions were answered before they were asked.

~Max Lucado

As I have been reading my bible more, I have had many questions pop up in my mind. How do we know what we are reading is valid? How can we trust the people who wrote the gospels? How do we know that what we are reading isn't just a legend? The questions go on and on. I was fascinated by the stories in the New Testament, but at the same time I was doubting its credibility. My faith was at a place it had never been before, but was my doubt outweighing my faith?

My twin and I have had a lot of "Jesus Talks" lately, but I never mentioned my doubts to her. One day while she was at her desk and I was laying on her bed (I usually just bust up into her room and hang out, most the time unwanted), I was telling her how I needed another book to read. She handed me "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel. She had never read the book, and I had never mentioned my doubt to her, but the book went hand-in-hand with what I was dealing with in my faith. Coincidence? No! God knew what I was dealing with in my mind, and placed the book to answer all my questions in my hand.

Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
~Psalms 139:4. 

As I dove into the book, the first chapter dealt with, "Can the biographies of Jesus be trusted?" This was the main question that I was asking. How could I know for sure that what I am reading is actually true? The answer was laid out plain and simple for me. God hit the nail on the head, and immediately gave the answer to the question I was asking.

In the book, Strobel breaks the case for Christ down in different forms of evidence. Each form of evidence approaches the credibility of the gospels in numerous directions. The book consist of different interviews from various intellectuals who provide factual information based on the type of evidence proposed by Strobel. Every question I seemed to conjure up in my mind was answered in the different forms of evidence. Whether it was a historical question about the reliability of the Gospels or about inconsistent verses within the different Gospels, the answers were provided for me. God knew where I was doubting, and He provided the answers.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.
~Hebrew 4:13

It is amazing how God knows everything about us. Every thought in our mind, every move we make, and every sin we commit, He knows everything about us. Our God is omniscience! All the doubt that I once had that only I thought I knew, God revealed himself to me. God reads my mind, and He continues to reveal Himself to me.

Power of Prayer

Growing up I wasn't much of a prayer. I always peeked around while the pastor was praying, and sometime I would laugh during the prayer at someone around me. I was always scared to pray out loud like most people are. I did, however, say my prayers at night. I had the same prayer ever night, and every night it was a challenge to see how fast I could say it (as if the faster I said it, the faster God would answer it). "Hey God! Thank you for this day, and thank you for my friends and family. Amen!" Yep! Thats pretty deep stuff huh? I always thought that you had to bow your head and close your eyes in order for God to hear what you were saying, and I never had time to stop and do that, so I didn't pray. I didn't know exactly how to pray either. I mean, what am I suppose to say? I hear all these fancy prayers at church, but I can't do that; I have the vocabulary of a third grader. How the heck was I suppose to impress God with all the BIG words if I didn't know any BIG words.

At midwinter with BCM this past year, I remember I was shaken up after one of the bible studies Jonathan led. I remember Josh coming over to me after it was over and him telling me He felt like God had sent him over to talk to me. During that talk I remember Josh telling me that I just needed to pray. He said I wouldn't know exactly what I was saying and that sometime I would get sidetracked (and I definitely did), but to just try to focus and just talk to God. He said eventually I would know what I was asking God for and that I would grow in my prayer life. He definitely hit the nail on the head! I took his advice and just started praying. I would randomly start praying about anything and everything. I remember I even prayed for a caterpillar on the sidewalk one time. It was still hard to focus, and I would lose concentration right after I would say "Hey God" (I start all my prayers with Hey God.) With not being able to focus I didn't know what to do in order to keep my attention on God, so I did what one of my best friend Kristen did and started writing out my prayers in a prayer journal. This really helped me stay focused and I began to understand what I was saying and what it really meant to talk to the Lord. After a while my hand started hurting so I would just end the prayer really fast, but soon I was able to move from the prayer journal to just talking out loud, and I actually was able to pray and focus. It is awesome how God used Josh and Kristen to set the foundation for my prayer life and really teaching me how to pray. God used them to plant the seed for my prayer life, and then God definitely made that seed grow.

I was at my friend Caitlyn's dorm room last year, and on her door was Philippians 4:6. It says, "Don't worry about anything; pray about every!" Since I am a worry wart (from my previous blog), this verse really stuck out to me. It immediately became my favorite verse. Now every time I begin to worry, I think of this verse and immediately turn to God for help. This verse really taught me that I need to pray about everything. Whether it's about my health, my family, my friends, the random old lady who walked in on me using the bathroom last week (true story), or whatever else happened in my life, I just needed to pray about it. I pray all the time now. I have prayed at least ten times already while writing this blog. While driving to Josh's ordination service, I remember I would pray for every car that I passed on the road - I prayed that God would teach some of those people how to drive! The importance of prayer really started to become known to me.

As I was reading my bible tonight, I came across one of the parables that Jesus tells His disciples that teaches us to never give up in prayer and to stay in constant prayer. In Luke 18:1-8, Jesus tells a story about a widow who constantly goes to a judge about "appealing for justice against someone who had harmed her" (1:3). The judge eventually granted her request because "she is wearing [him] out with her constant prayer" (1:5) This parable teaches us that we must constantly pray to our Father because "even the evil judge rendered a just decision in the end, so surely God would give justice to His chosen people who plead with him day and night?" (1:8)  If we stay in constant prayer, God will answer us according to His plan. We shouldn't give up if our prayers are not answered immediately, but we should "keep praying" (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I pray for the same things everyday because I have faith that God will hear my request. There are some prayer request that I will not actually see God answer -my prayer request for Costa Rica- but I have faith that God is going to answer them, and I am going to keep praying those prayers everyday.

I remember several years ago at a youth retreat I received a wrist band that had the acronym PUSH on it. The acronym stood for Pray Until Something Happens. With my prayer life where it is now, I am starting to realize how important this really is. We shouldn't give up if our prayers aren't answered as soon as we pray about them, but instead we should pray until something happens. God wants to answer our request, and God wants to hear our request, so it would be crazy to just give up on praying so soon.

My faith life has grown tremendously over the past few weeks, and I have discovered the power of prayer. I have seen God answer some of my prayers, and it is so awesome seeing the ways God answers them. God has given me the spiritual gift of prayer, and He is using that gift to His glory. I am on the prayer team for BCM this upcoming school year, and I am so excited to see what God has in store for that team. He has opened doors for me with my prayer life, and it is great how one day I don't even know how to pray, to praying all the time and really just carrying a conversation with God. God has really shown me through friends and scripture the importance and power of prayer. 

I am praying for each person who reads this. I encourage whoever is reading this to just take a few moments or even a few hours right now and just pray. Spend that one-on-one time with God and just confess to Him, praise Him, and lift up your request to Him. He is wanting to hear what you have to say, and God is the perfect listener, so why not talk to Him? Prayer works.

Keep on praying! (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

My Best Friend

When I think of what a Best Friend is, there are a few characteristics that come to mind: trustworthy, loyal, loving, kind, encouraging, always there, and the list goes on and on. A best friend is someone who you can go to whenever and talk to them with whatever is going on in your life. Someone who you build a strong relationship with over a period of time. A best friend is someone we all desire to have.

Our name is something that means something to us whether we realize it or not. We loved to be called by our name. I know I would much rather be called Jess than Lou, and I know Lou would much rather be called Lou than Jess. We are twins, but we are two different people with our own name. When we first meet someone, the first thing we usually tell them is our name. We don't go up to a stranger and say,  "Hey! I have ten kids." Why you have ten kids? I don't know, but most importantly why would you tell a complete stranger that when you just meet them?  We usually always start a friendship and a relationship with introducing ourselves. With my experience at the YMCA working with kids, I realized that kids as well like to be called by their name. If I don't know a kids name, I usually say, "Hey Buddy!" Before I can even get the word Buddy out, they interrupt me and say, "My name is La-a! ( or insert name in here)" The first step of meeting someone and starting a friendship is telling them our name. We don't wait to tell our wife/husband our name until the minister tells us at the wedding, "you may now tell your bride your name!" We start our relationships off by telling the other our name. This is exactly what God did too. Yaweh! In Exodus, God first shares his name with Moses. "When I go to the Israelites, I will say to them, The God of your fathers sent me to you.' What if the people say, "What is his name?" What Should I tell them? Then God said to Moses, "I am who I am. When you go to the people of Israel, tell them, "I AM sent me to you." (Exodus 3:13-14) God said He is the "I AM." He didn't say, "I am the father." or "I am the coolest guy ever." He tells us that he is just the "I AM!." For one that shows how powerful and awesome He is! Also, right then God shows that he wants a relationship with us. By telling us His name, he takes the first step in starting the relationship. He wants to know you and He wants us to know Him. He is longing for a relationship with us. He wants us to call Him by his name, Yaweh! You may not see it, but he loves us enough to tell us His name.

In any relationship though, it takes two people pursuing it in order for it to be a strong connection. A husband and wife both have to sacrifice things in order to have a successful marriage (I'm not married, but I'm pretty sure that it works that way). I know with my family and my friends, the other person and I both have to reach out to the other. There are no one way friendships! It works the same way with God. We already know each others name, so the next step is pursuing the relationship. Jesus loves us (this I know for the Bible tells me so!). Our job for one is to accept His love. By accepting His love, we are showing that we want that relationship with Him. Our next job is to listen to Him and to talk Him. Just as any friendship, if we don't listen to the other or talk to them, what good is the friendship? God is doing His part. He is listening to us whenever we come before Him, so our job...to talk to Him. He wants to listen to us; he wants to answer our prayers (according to His plan of course). He wants us! All of us! We also have to listen to Him. He talks to us; He is screaming our names; He is doing whatever He can to get our attention. We need to step up and listen to Him. He knows what is best for us, and He knows what we need to do. We can trust in Him. All we have to do is listen to Him. He has given us His word, so that we may know Him and grow closer to Him. He is speaking to us through His word and the Holy Spirit. Why aren't we listening to Him? In our part of the relationship, we need to obey His word and His commandments. We must continue to seek Him. He wants to talk to us. He wants thats that relationship with us. Come near to God and He will come near to you! James 4:8 If we seek the relationship with God, we will find Him. He wants to be with us. He doesn't need us, but He wants us! He is going to do whatever He can to have us. He never gives up on us. Even when we turn from Him, He will always be there waiting for us with arms wide open!

Are we doing what we need to do in order to have a relationship with Him? What is keeping us from seeking Him? What is holding us back from having that relationship with God? Is it work? School? Family? Depression? Loneliness? In order to continue the relationship with Yaweh, we must lay those burdens down so that we may have a relationship with Him.Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28. God wants us to come to Him. God is all the characteristics that describe a best friend plus more. We can't describe how awesome our God is! We need to do our part in the relationship with Him. Maybe it's time for us to forgive those who have hurt us. Maybe it's time to lay our burdens down at the foot of the cross. Maybe it's time we surrender all to Him. He wants all of us. Not just an arm or a leg or a kidney, but all of us! We need to do our part in the friendship with God. He is the perfect Best Friend. He is trustworthy, loyal, loving, kind, encouraging, always there, and the list goes on and on. He is MY Best Friend!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=day2zcDC2bI

Truly Blessed

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. God is just amazing!

I never really looked at the world around me or the people in it, but here recently God has just opened my eyes and shown me how much he has blessed me in my life. He has surrounded me with such awesome friends who I love with all my heart. During my time of depression, He has just blessed me with such great encouragement. I'm honestly just speechless right now! God has pulled me out of my dark time, and I have been filled with soooo much joy in my heart. I can't praise Him enough with what He has provided me. We serve a God who loves us even when we turn from Him. He never gives up on us. I'm sitting in awe right now trying to express in words how great our God is, but words cannot even come close to describing it. As I grow in my faith, God is continuing to open my eyes to the world around me. Everywhere I look I see God. He created everything, so everything is His. I will praise Him rain or shine, night or day, mourning or happiness. God is good all the time!

Adopting Costa Rica

Ever since I took Spanish I my sophomore year in high school, I have been obsessed with Costa Rica. One of my goals in life is to be fluent in Spanish and travel to Spanish speaking countries. My Spanish I teacher was from Costa Rica, and throughout the semester we studied the culture, looked at pictures, and learned all there is to know about Costa Rica. I decided that one day I was traveling to Costa Rica!

In my room I have a giant Costa Rica flag hanging on the wall that I got from my friend's dad's flag company. My mom told me she liked it, and I told her (jokingly at the time) that I was moving there after I graduated. I began joking about it more and more.

During this past semester, my faith has grown so much. My prayer life has grown, and my eagerness to share my faith has grown. As I am growing in my faith, I have felt this calling to become involved in some mission field. I had been praying for God to show me where he wanted me to go, and one day I looked at my flag and heard God say, "Hey! Why don't you make going to Costa Rica after graduation a reality instead of  a joke?" I was then determined to move to Costa Rica after I graduated. I was set on moving there, and my thoughts were consumed of when I was to go to Costa Rica in the future. I began getting more and more excited about how God was going to be use me and the great things God had planned.

I was reading Radical by David Platt (if you haven't read it, then I strongly recommend you do). The book focuses a lot on the Great Commission. Go out and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and teach them to obey everything I have commanded you. Surely I will be with you to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:19-20. At the end of the book there is a challenge  that last a year that Platt gives the reader. The challenge has five parts to it, and one of the parts is "Praying for the World." This part of the challenge is when the reader prayers for every country in the world over a year. When I was reading the section about this challenge, God spoke to me again. I heard God say, "Why are you going to wait till after graduation to spread my name to Costa Rica?" It got me thinking, "I am so excited to be going to Costa Rica in 4 years, but there are people there who don't know Christ who won't be in Costa Rica in 4 years (because of whatever happened to them, unfortunately), and they won't get the chance to experience eternal life in Heaven because nobody went and told them about Christ." After reflecting on what God had told me, I began praying immediately for the people of Costa Rica, the missionaries there, and just for the country itself. After this I decided that because I can't be in Costa Rica physically to spread the Gospel I am going to be praying for those there and supporting the missionaries who are there.

I decided that I was going to adopt Cost Rica as primary focus of my ministry, though it is not my only focus of ministry because Christ commanded us to go to ALL nations. I plan on supporting the ministries there, and I am praying for Costa Rica everyday. I know God has great things planned for Costa Rica, and I am praying that I have an opportunity to one day go and be able to share the Gospel in person.

God has great things planned!

Life is a Fairy Tale

I was watching Tangled tonight with my mom and two sisters (yes, I said two sisters, Lou and Sister Bear Liz), and it was actually a really funny movie. It was your typical Disney fairy tale where you have the evil person, but then the good guys live happily ever after. Predictable ending, but still a really good movie. I will admit though that I did ponder the question, "What if life were a fairy tale?" Well in all reality, life really is a fairy tale.

In every fairy tale there is a always the evil witch or the evil person. In life that would be none other than Satan himself! He is constantly tempting us, deceiving us, and pulling us from God. As I was watching Tangled I saw how the evil mom tricked Rapunzel into thinking she was caring for her and doing what was best for her, and it got me thinking that Satan does the same thing with us. I know in my life Satan is always trying to manipulate me and hide who he really is from me so I will turn from God and follow him. In the beginning with Adam and Eve, Satan tricked Eve into thinking that the fruit that God forbidden them from eating was actually okay to eat (Genesis 3). The devil is always out to get us in life, and constantly gnawing at us trying to get us to deny our Heavenly Father.

In Tangled, Rapunzel and Flinn had many obstacles to face in order to reach their destination of seeing the lanterns. In my life, especially recently, I have had to face so many obstacles that had potential of stopping me from seeing God. No matter how close I think I get to God, there is always something that gets in my path. Just as in any fairy tale, there is something that stops the princess from having her prince charming. In life the devil tries to stop us on our path with God, and he does anything he can to make us turn and run in the other direction. The journey for the fairy tale characters is never easy; just like how our walk with God is never easy.

Hate to say it, but someone always dies in a fairy tale, but soon to be born again by a kiss from their "true love."  Well, life is pretty much the same way; except we don't physically die. "For we have died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives." Romans 6:4 Though our death is not one of physical death, but one of spiritual death, we were still born again through our true love, God. No, we don't die a tragic death, and no God doesn't come down from Heaven and give us a kiss so we have life again, but when we ask Jesus Christ to come into our hearts, our old, sinful lives were put to death and we were revived by Christ.

Every fairy tale has a "happily ever after" ending, and so do we! As we are born again, God offered us a fairy tale ending by giving us eternal life with Him in Heaven. "For a great reward awaits you in Heaven" Matthew 5:12. Just as the prince and princess end up married and living the perfect, happily ever after, we too will have the "happily ever after" ending when we return to our Father and have eternal life with Him!

So next time you catch yourself wondering what life would be like as a fairy tale, just remember that life really is a fairy tale, and we are soon to be rescued by our Savior Jesus Christ.

Living in Sins

As my prayer life has grown dramatically over the past semester, I have been praying more for forgiveness for all the sins I have committed in my life. Every time I have prayed I have asked for forgiveness over the same sins over and over again. I have flashbacks to when I sinned, and I relive that moment over and over again. A lot of people think about the past, but with depression, you LIVE in the past. I am all the time thinking about the things that have happened in my life, the people who hurt me, and the sins I committed. I constantly think of the question, "how could God love me after all I have done?" So I find myself asking for forgiveness for those sins every time I think about them (which I probably ask for forgiveness for the same sin 543 times a day); hoping that 1/543 times I ask for forgiveness that I will actually receive it.

I was reading a book by Max Lucado called God Came Near, when I came across a chapter called "He Forgot." The chapter was talking about how God forgives us for our sins, but then he forgets about them. In Hebrews Chapter 8 verse 12 it says, "And I will forgive their wrongdoings, and I will never again remember their sins" This struck me hard. Why am I asking forgiveness 543 times for the same sin? God forgot that sin, so why can't I forget I did it? God forgave me for that the first time I asked him then he forgot about it. I found it pretty awesome how loving our God is that even though we turn from him, he still loves us enough to forgive and forget!

I also find myself questioning, "Why can't I forgive those people who hurt me and forget about what they did?" I can't change what happened in the past, but I sure enough can face how I react towards it. Why can't I forgive someone who hurt me when the One who created me forgives me when I hurt him? I have always heard to forgive those because God forgave us, but after reading this chapter by Max Lucado, God really slapped me in the face and showed me what it really meant. Over the past 19 years, I have been living in the sins I have committed in the past, living in those times of hurt, and thinking about those who have hurt me, but after seeing how God forgives me and forget the sins I committed, it finally started sinking in that I need to forgive those people that hurt me, forget the sins because God forgave me and forgot them, and to learn from that and strive to be more like Him. I was once living in the past, but now I am living in the moment, and searching for God's face in all that I do.